Don’t Forget

The words sound like me, but I have no memory of them. The distance in time is great, but I expected a recollection.

I recently spent time speaking with a life coach. She said something I have never heard, but it stung the way only truth can, “you are on the wrong side of humble.”

Humility, seldom seen in our boasting culture. Humility appears on milk cartons while we read of every accomplishment posted on social media. Certainly I am guilty of lacking humility on social media, so I wondered what she meant.

Honestly, I momentarily thought, yes, I am very humble. When you finish laughing at the absurdity of that statement, rejoin us.

I lacked belief in myself. I thought others could do it better, so I shouldn’t. I thought others had a bigger platform, so I should stay quiet. I thought others were better educated, and I would just mess up the message. Shocked, I faced the fact these thoughts are deeply embedded.

Today, I re-read every blog post I’ve posted. The words seem so foreign. I lack the memory of the words or the thoughts, but something else happened. I enjoyed reading them. Many of them are great. It is SO hard for me to say that.. I encourage you to read a few, especially if you are new. Share your favorite & get ready for the ride, because I’m convinced I need to continue writing and speaking!

 

Who Am I?

Wow, I’ve been overwhelmed by the response of my last post. I feel the need to explain I am not a blogger looking to draw battle lines on every hot confrontational topic in the press. My older children attended an incredible purity retreat this weekend and after a few discussions, the prompting from God to get the word out was too strong to ignore. My hope was to begin a conversation within families as to where the purity line began. In our home, we aim for purity in what we see, hear, and do.

Many moms told me they did not really know about the books or the movie. Several moms told me their daughters had read the books and they needed to have discussions with them. Many moms thanked me for prompting them to do some research, because their teens were planning to see the movie this weekend. I am SO thankful God used my simple words to prompt such a response. I prayed this would be the response.

Of course, I have to admit I was surprised at the number of people who spoke up to tell me how wrong I was. Before my friends and family get defense of me, God provided me great insight into their comments. It appeared to me that almost every person in opposition to my post was really asking, “Who are you?” So…

I am a daughter of the King of Kings. I am in pursuit of righteousness for His Name’s sake. I desire to raise my children to know the saving grace of Jesus Christ. I further pray that my children will seek the wisdom and discernment of God in any decision they make.

I am not an expert on these books or any other books. I am not an expert on any movie. I am not a perfect parent. Yet, I must as every other parent must, make decisions on what my children can read, watch, and participate in.

I do not believe I must read every book before making a decision about it nor watch every show or movie before making a decision. I appreciate the rating guidelines, but know that can not be the sole decision maker.

I also believe that we moms can encourage each other to be the best moms we can be! So, thank you all for your support and the conversation you have started. We have such freedoms as moms. There is not one right way to parent and there are so many variables. I encourage you to do your research and make wise decisions for your family so you can rock on, Momma!!

 

50 Shades of Grey: A Mom’s Perspective

God woke me this morning. He fueled a fire in me. Next weekend the book touted as the quickest book to 1 million sales releases as a movie. In the midst of commercials indicating the love story, I worry too many moms and their teens will see this movie. Obviously, too many have already read the book.

I have 3 children at home (ages 16, 15 & 8). As a mom, may I give you 3 reasons why I won’t read the book or see the movie:

1. My son is 16 years old. This movie is rated R, meaning my son can easily see this movie without any parental permission. On the movie’s website they proudly promote their erotic genre, yet were not given the typical NC-17 or X rating that such films typically receive. Early reports share that 20 minutes of the film contain sex scenes, making this movie the most sex-filled movie in the last decade. Worst yet, the sex is violent and perpetrated by a handsome young man. Those images and perspective would have a lasting impression, which could ultimately ruin his ability to care for and love his future bride the way his father cares for and loves me.

2. My daughter is 15 years old. While you may think she couldn’t gain access to an R rated film, you would be wrong. A reviewer clocks the lead actress with saying “holy” 147 times in the book. That equates to once every 3.5 pages. Yet, the one One that remains Holy is God, Himself. There is nothing holy about being physically hurt during sex. I would never wish my daughter to derive arousal from pain. This book and movie not only demoralize what God intended for sex, it devalues God’s value in our lives.

3. My youngest daughter is 8 years old. She may be too young to see the movie by herself, but she has seen the commercial and has asked some questions. In Vitro my little one was exposed to drugs and alcohol by her biological mother. For 8 years, I have watched the toll that has taken on my little girl as she has struggled to meet physical milestones and more recently educational milestones. According to statistics, the lead female character drinks between 6.7 – 7.3 units of alcohol every day for the 25 day span of the book (the maximum suggested intake is 2-3 units/day). While I should hope it would give pause to everyone that reads the book or watches the movie, let me state it clearly, this character must drink to desensitize herself from the pain and/or several reviewers state she would be hospitalized due to the amount of alcohol intake.

I promised you 3, but I couldn’t end without the most important reason for NOT reading this book or seeing this movie: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8.

One last note to every mom who has already read the book. Please do not read this post thinking I judge you. I do not. We live in a sexually saturated culture, but God’s grace is abundant. I pray you will seek God’s guidance in “whatever” you do, think, read and watch. We all need to. God loves you Momma!!

 

Happy Birthday

Birthdays bring about the strangest traditions:

1. The song. The song that forces every restaurant into the song writing business only to find out they need to stick with their day job. The song that flushes the cheeks of serenaded. The song that is sung too slowly at every party so that even if you start on key you won’t end there.

2. The candles. There reaches a time when division needs to factor in. One candle for every year will quickly lead to a fire extinguisher exhibition if you aren’t careful.

3. Blowing out the candles. To get back at the people singing the song, the birthday boy/girl gets the best revenge. The birthday person is encouraged to blow out the candles. Do you know what happens when someone “blows,” they spit. Yes, the birthday girl spits all over the cake.

4. The cake. The sugar you can smell. Your mouth waters at the site of the decorated masterpiece. It is the perfect combination of gluten, sugar and Crisco. Yummy!

5. The present. The stress. What to buy, need the perfect card, can you just sign or do you need to add something more?

Today is my birthday. I have children, so I know I will hear the song. They are my children, so no matter how slow they sing, they will be in tune. We will have candles and the division is none of your business. I’ll spit all over the cake, yet I won’t get any more than my fair share. I’m sure I’ll get some presents. I don’t need anything, but my amazing husband will make sure I have something with a card that brings tears to my eyes.

One of the greatest gifts, YOU! Thank you for being so supportive of my writing, my speaking and me. I appreciate you more than you know. Every like and share propel me to seek God’s wisdom for the next post. This is a great birthday! I’ll save you a piece of cake, if you like gluten, sugar & Crisco with a little spit.

 

Direction

Overwhelmed by God’s booming voice. In 20 months, many have stepped forward to speak His words to me. My busy world kept me distracted from these truths. This weekend, however, distractions were set aside for study in hopes I would hear from God. I stand amazed.

First came the Beth Moore, Living Proof Live Simulcast. Beth proposed the question, “What is the one thing you’ve lost you want back?” for participants to answer for themselves. The answer washed over me so quickly, I knew it was from God. I’ve lost the truth. I have believed Satan’s lies.

Then, Beth challenged us to share with a friend what we had gotten out of the weekend. My friend had early departed, so as I looked at my daughter, I contemplated changing my answer. After all, if I tell her and then I fail, what will she think of me? I begged God to give me another answer, but as I looked into the beautiful eyes of my daughter, I could only tell her the truth. “I believe God brought me here to reassure me that He wants me to write and speak!”

I came home and spoke not a word of the revelation. I let the volume of God’s truth ring in my mind.

We attended a party Saturday night with fairly new friends. After having a wonderful church family for 10+ years, I never thought we could feel that again. I still think of the church family where I served as our church family (and I hope they feel the same about us). I laughed at how little I had made God out to be again. He proved Saturday night, that we have an additional church family. I felt at home and at peace in a way I hadn’t in 20 long months. I’ve found my way home.

God woke me early Sunday morning with an urge to write and respond to this new revelation. I fought Him until it was time to go to church.

First service, we teach a lesson on Moses to let kids know, “God has a plan.”
Second service, we attend Small Group and continue our lesson on Joseph seeing how, “God has a plan.”
Third service, we attend service and the lesson is, “Grow Up.”

So, here I sit, banging away on the computer keyboard knowing I need to grow up, because God has a plan. He is revealing His plan step-by-step. My job is to respond.

 

Undone

I’m done. The words brought a sense of freedom. Welcomed change.

After 10 years on full-time ministry staff and many months of prayer, I prepared to leave. Freedom awaited on the other side of the glass store front doors. Yet, the journey towards those doors seemed longer than normal. Tears weighted me down and after finding every delay possible, I pushed the heavy door to be greeted with the wind of change.

20 months later, I’m ready to be honest.

I thought I was done. Instead, in the months after I found myself undone. Lost, wandering and searching for a sense of God’s presence. I knew God would never leave me, but in the process of being undone, I lost my connection. I lost my way. I cried. I argued. I fought.

In the midst of being undone, I saw a glimpse of what I thought must be God’s plan. I interviewed in hopes of joining a ministry again. A week of planning and preparing ended abruptly with rejection. Several weeks later, another potential opportunity came in the form of a call from a ministry. Yet again, nothing came of it. Lost. Rejected. Questioning.

I said the words, “you can minister wherever you are.” My dissatisfaction with life said differently. After 10 years of being a part of God’s Church, ministry anywhere else seemed inferior. Yet God was working. He began to bind up my heart.

My job became my mission field more than my ministry. I prayed for my clients and served their needs in the hopes they would see Christ through me.

I began serving in Children’s Ministry again with great joy for teaching.

Going through the motions in the midst of being undone and then bound up for healing brought me to this weekend. Sometimes you take the next step, not because you know where you are going, but because you are following the ONE who does.

 

Heart Burdened

I wake this Sunday morning heart burdened. My prayer list has grown with heavier concerns than normal. My cousin lies in ICU for treatment of cardiomyopathy, a baby from our church family seems to have exhausted all medical treatment for his cancer, a couple I know travels seeking care for a rare blood disorder, a single mom in our homeschool group prepares for radiation.

When the requests feel this daunting, I find myself guilty of focusing on 1 Thessalonians 5:17, “pray without ceasing,” without noting the entire sentence. 1 Thessalonians is a letter from the Apostle Paul. A letter is not read in chapter and verse, it is read through, poured over and treasured. This was true in Bible times and remains true in our current times of texts and emails. Paul did not text the church in Thessalonica to “pray w/o ceasing.” Paul wrote, “Rejoice always,  pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

What sound advice!

1. Rejoice always – Praise God for who He is. God is the Great Physician, still seated on the throne of glory. God does not rest. God is capable to do so much more than we ask (Ephesians 3:20). While these attributes are a mere sampling of God, they allow believers to rejoice greatly. AND, so we should.

2. Pray without ceasing – Our hearts should be burdened, for the sick, the grieving, the poor, the lost and many more. We should pray with faith for God to bring healing to this lost and dying world.

3. Give thanks in all circumstances – The most difficult of three sometimes. We have much to be thankful for even in the midst of trial. My cousin is receiving excellent medical care in the best heart hospital in the US. In each prayer request I lift, I can give thanks for something. AND, so we should.

When I pray with new perspective, my burden is lifted:
Dear Father, I rejoice and delight in your ability as the Great Physician. I ask Lord that you would heal my cousin from these heart issues and return him home healthy to his wife and young family. Lord, I thank you for the medical staff providing him excellent care. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

 

Help Wanted

Job Opportunity, Applicants Desired…

Looking for a qualified applicant interested in encouraging and leading a large group of volunteers. Applicant will have the ability to influence people to grow in leadership. Applicant will also be able to save people from ruin. Grab your pen and paper, here are the details:

Requirements

• Work 50-60 hours and be on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
• Be married in order to be more “relatable.” Said spouse should be open to criticism based on everything from their actions to the clothes they wear.
• Have children. Helpful if these children understand your commitment to the job requires you to miss many of their activities.
• Possess the strength to overcome most people’s number 1 fear: Public Speaking, all the while knowing every word you speak may be dissected.
• Weekly come up with a speech lasting about 30 minutes that is equal parts education, empowerment, and challenge, yet doesn’t bore anyone to sleep.
• Deliver speech while people enter and leave the room a dozen times and the sound of opening candy wrappers echoes through the room.
• Understand your decisions from what you drive to how you wear your hair may be talked about more than the speech you spent hours preparing.
• Ensure that every person hearing your message has their needs met with half the staff you need to do so.

Compensation

• Salary Range averages $33,000 – $70,000.

Our Pastors fulfill these requirements for little and sometimes NO pay because they are called by God to do so. They know as they enter ministry the opportunity to reach a lost & dying world is great. Their families serve alongside of them because they are often called as well. I know, I was in full-time paid ministry for 10 years. And, I would do it all over again!

The reward was the life-change I saw, not the hourly wage.

Most churches have a sign somewhere in their church stating, “No Perfect People Allowed.” I served with an incredible group of people undaunted by the requirements, because they know the truth can change the world. They are just people, however, so maybe it is time we the church-goers understand they aren’t perfect either.

I believe Satan wants to take down the leadership of every church. It is the easiest way to stop the spreading of the gospel! When a leader falls, the church body must join together to carry on the mission of the church while ministering to the leader.

So, pray for your church leadership. They covet your prayers. Understand they are human, so stop worrying whether they bought their car new or used. Know bad decisions will be made, stand ready to forgive. Minister to your church leadership and your church family. Volunteer, they need your help. Still have the pen & paper? Write a note of appreciation to the leadership team, because they need to be encouraged.

 

Say What?

Two friends have recently shared the horrible things people have told them in their grief. They both asked me the same question, “Why would people say something SO stupid?”

Why? Because I, I mean we, I mean they, want to say something. We want to say something to break the silence. We want to make you feel better. We want to return things to normal.

So, here’s my guide for what not to say & what to say:

1. DON’T say it will be okay. It will not be okay. It isn’t okay. We want it to be okay, but it isn’t.
2. DON’T say it could be worse. It couldn’t feel worse. Yes, we all know it could be worse, but in the midst of the worst nightmare, you can’t imagine anything worse.
3. DON’T say you know what they are going through. Even if you lived through the same situation, you do not know.

We mean well when we say these things. So, here’s my idea of something to say if the silence becomes too much to bare:

1. I wish I had something to say that could change things for you.
2. I would love to bring dinner for your family. It would be one less thing for you to have to worry about.
3. I want you to know I’m here for you. I’m praying for you. I would like to call you so I can pray over you and listen to anything you might need. I most likely won’t have anything profound to say, but I commit to be there for you.

I was shocked to learn early in ministry the simple statements (I don’t know what to say, I’m here, I’ll cook for you) are profound to those hurting. To commit to be there for someone brings change, so dare to make a difference, but only if you truly are committed.

 

Silence

Loud and rambunctious. Gregarious and funny. Those words describe me. I enjoy making people laugh. My comfort zone lies on a stage with a microphone in my hand and a crowd full of smiling moms.

Silence scares me. Silence holds the unknown.

Yet, I found myself today in the midst of silence. I struggled to know whether the silence should be broken. Silence hurts me. Silence holds captive my million thoughts.

Occasionally, no joke can lift the mood nor change the words spoken before the silence enveloped the room.

So, I sat with an uneasy feeling. I stayed near to a loved one. I had nothing funny or smart to say and nothing which lightened the weight of the silence. BUT, I was present. No place would have been more perfect. No place I would have preferred to be. Friendship remains silent, fights the urge to run and stays near, always thankful to God for the friendship.

Silence will not last, the words heard will not ruin God’s promise and I will gladly break the silence with praise when Jeremiah 29:11 becomes a reality. “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'” (Jeremiah 29:11-13 NIV)