Under Siege

I’m bunkered down, hiding. The constant noise of incoming attacks proves deafening. I cover my ears and bury my face. I long to disappear, find a place where phones don’t ring, emails don’t ping and notifications don’t summon my attention.

The news always bad, the storm cloud always threatening. The stress mounts and I feel dizzy. I wrote a couple of weeks ago about being Washed Out & Waiting for the Rainbow. Honestly, I expected to quickly compose a post to tell how God swooped in and saved the day. I want to tell the world that God has already provided my rainbow in high-definition Technicolor. I want to.

Instead, I sit bunkered and under siege from stress and bad news. At every turn, I find my to-do list growing. In the midst, a loved one faces a biopsy, a much-needed vacation must be canceled, and our housing situation a mess. Every minute of every day scheduled.

The rainbow seems covered by storm clouds. I stand firm in my faith. God has brought us through rougher storms than this. In Jeremiah 1, the Lord says in verse 18:
“For see, today I have made you strong like a fortified city that cannot be captured, like an iron pillar or a
bronze wall.”

I may be under siege. You may be under siege, but take heart. God has made us strong. I can not be captured. I will not be captured. I know the rainbow will reveal its splendor in due time.

 

Washed Out & Waiting for the Rainbow

 

The water rises and threatens. The wind howls and the rain beats on the windows. The gray sky darkens. The storm outside resembles the storm I have walked recently.

The silence in my blog comes from the heartfelt silence I have inside. The distance I feel from where I would like to be and confusion set into motion by life’s circumstances.

But, in these moments of darkness, I learn things about myself. As a planner, I often expect God to bless my well-meaning plans. As if I am saving God time, I do all the prep work and then casually mention that I’ve laid all the ground work. God in His infinite wisdom has spent the last week reminding me to trust Him.

It is His plans that He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11). I know His plans to be perfect, but sometimes all I see is the storm. My plan of smooth sailing on a blue sea must be tossed by a Nor’easter. The storm rights my ship from heading to the treacherous waters know as self-reliance. Even in the midst of knowing what I have done, my prayers become a begging session for the open blue water and a beautiful setting sun.

Why look for only two colors? Black & white or blue sea and yellow sun. Noah was given a rainbow after his storm. God surely wants to provide that same amount of color to the plans He has for me. So, while I wait in the gray, I watch for the rainbow. His plans are better than my plans.